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29-Dec-2018 13:48

In the small circle of people I have come out to, the response has been pretty loving.

Yet I’ve thrown this love offered to me aside to stand out in the heat, sweating as I waited for the anti-LGBT coalition to give in and love me the same way.

If I came out to people, it was only because I felt dangerously vulnerable — and because of this, I felt, more than anything, like a coward.

When I started treatment for depression, my counselor suggested examining the way I viewed myself to determine why I struggled with self-acceptance. Getting better meant accepting that being gay is okay — and this, on a personal level, was pretty hard for me.

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At 12 years old, he was just beginning to dip his toes into the world of romantic connection.

I never planned to come out as “John Haley, gay man.” For some time, I had cultivated a belief that my sexuality constituted something shameful and unnatural, so I pushed down feelings which started as early as seventh grade to live as “John Haley, straight man.” In some ways, it was a strangely peaceful existence. I never struggled much with my sexuality until I came out to one of my closest friends after my freshman year of college.

Then I broke down, and living with it — the truth — grew much more complicated. I became depressed, lost my appetite, fell behind in school.

Eight years of waiting — how many missed opportunities have been crumpled up and tossed into the wastebasket behind me as I waited for the world, the entire world, to tell me it was ready to love me unconditionally? Actually, I kind of feel like I have waited forever.

Coming to you live from the field, eyes fixed on the game in front of me — John Haley, gay man. 7 The views expressed in this Letter to the Editor are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

At 12 years old, he was just beginning to dip his toes into the world of romantic connection.I never planned to come out as “John Haley, gay man.” For some time, I had cultivated a belief that my sexuality constituted something shameful and unnatural, so I pushed down feelings which started as early as seventh grade to live as “John Haley, straight man.” In some ways, it was a strangely peaceful existence. I never struggled much with my sexuality until I came out to one of my closest friends after my freshman year of college.Then I broke down, and living with it — the truth — grew much more complicated. I became depressed, lost my appetite, fell behind in school.Eight years of waiting — how many missed opportunities have been crumpled up and tossed into the wastebasket behind me as I waited for the world, the entire world, to tell me it was ready to love me unconditionally? Actually, I kind of feel like I have waited forever.Coming to you live from the field, eyes fixed on the game in front of me — John Haley, gay man. 7 The views expressed in this Letter to the Editor are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.The one thing these games have in common is they’re all simulation games, so you can create your own world and explore it as often as you like!